Decluttering and Christmas

I just sent an email to my niece with a few new items to add to my Christmas list. The older I get, the harder I find it is to identify what I need/want. If you are a collector like I am, then over the years you have accummulated way more "stuff" than you could ever use. Whether it is a favourite article of clothing you can't bear to part with, or a cake plate a favourite aunt gave you and you never use but have a sentimental attachment to.....if you are like me, you have probably amassed a ton of stuff.

It is pretty natural to reach a point where you say, Enough is ENOUGH! Over the last few years, I've been identifying what I call perishables as the gifts I want. This could be bubble bath, a gift certificate to the movies or a favourite restaurant, cut flowers, etc. Of course, the other option, which I think is becoming pretty popular these days, is to ask that the gift giver, donate the value of a gift to your favourite charity. Another great idea.

The bottom line is that we tend to be such big consumers of goods that we end up by 60 with far more possessions than we could ever make use of. Reference my earlier post about Decluttering and Collecting, I have been trying to part with things - some go to the local St. Vincent de Paul, some go to a consignment shop and some just go into the garbage. I must admit it does feel good to lighten the load. So....when it comes to Christmas, think perishables and that way, you'll at least enter the new year without a whole hoard of new things to find a home for!

Commitment versus Freedom in Retirement

A friend dropped by for coffee yesterday and we talked about her husband's retirement. He really enjoyed his work and in his first year of retirement he took on a teaching project at a nearby university. She says one of his challenges in retirement is managing his time. He hates routine so just lets the days slip by doing whatever he feels like doing - that, of course, is how some people define retirement! However, as a deadline related to work approaches, he becomes a little stressed as he has to gear up to get the work done on time.

She is a very organized person and says that he really needs to establish a routine so that he doesn't fritter all his time away. We got into a discussion about the need to find some balance between making commitments in retirement and leaving our schedule wide open. Personality is a pretty important element in determining what this balance might look like. On the one hand, she likes her week to be well organized, and she has several fixed time commitments. This means that she uses her "free" time more efficiently since she knows her days are not totally open ended. At the end of the week she can clearly identify what she accomplished. On the other hand, he prefers open ended days and ends up being stressed out about locked in commitments that result in lots of last minute pressure to produce and perform. I suspect that at the end of the week, he is probably pretty comfortable with whatever he has done, regardless of how much or how little.

So what's it going to be for you? I struggle with this issue since I'm anti routine but also like to feel that I am accomplishing something every day. I suspect that for some people, it takes quite a long time to figure out just what the balance should be between making commitments, being organized and focused and yet leaving enough free time to be spontaneous. Bottom line: it really is a very personal issue. What works for one, won't necessarily work for the other. Advice: get a handle on this issue before you retire so that you can go through the transition, having taken into account your own personality traits.

Christmas Giving

It's that time of the year again and I've begun decorating the house for the holidays and shopping for gifts. I'm reminded of the years just after I took early retirement from my high paying job in the government in the mid-90s in order to go back to school. I went from alot of income to no predictable income. I did have a few contracts while I was at school but essentially I had to be very frugal. More about that in future posts.

As the first Christmas approached, I had no idea what I would do about gifts as my budget for gifts had to go from several hundred dollars (or more) to a few hundred dollars. I decided that I would give almost everyone antique Christmas ornaments so I began attending auctions and visiting antique shops looking for pretty antique ornaments at as low a cost as possible. I also searched out the cheapest but nicest boxes and gold ribbon I could find. Along with a bottle of gold paint for the plain brown boxes, I proceeded to decorate the boxes and then wrap up my ornaments, one to a box. I had also bought 2 box lots of cups and saucers at an auction for $60 in total(60 cups and saucers in all, that's $1 each, with at least 10 really nice ones that weren't damaged)and voila! I had several lovely gifts, all in their gold trimmed boxes wrapped up with gold ribbon. I have to say that I really enjoyed both finding the gifts and being creative with the gift boxes/wrapping. And in some ways the very best thing of all was discovering the following year that someone who received one of my gift boxes, actually used the box as a Christmas decoration!!!!

So....the moral of the story is this. Christmas may be about giving but it doesnt' have to involve spending thousands or even hundreds of dollars. It really is the thought that counts; and in the process of being frugal, we may even find pleasure and a sense of accomplishment for meeting the challenge of giving, without going into debt that returns to haunt us in the New Year.

Helplessness is NOT Fun

This summer I made the mistake of carrying a pair of stone urns that I had purchased at a garage sale to my car. What a bargain at $5 for the pair, I thought at the time. Of course by that evening, I realized that I had really hurt my back and within a few days I was barely able to walk. Fortunately we were spending alot of time at our cottage but it meant that I had to spend most days flat on my back, and basically at my husband's mercy. The first week or so, after he got up, I would lie there waiting for my coffee to arrive. It didn't. Normally we get our own breakfast but now I was stuck in bed and I needed it but it just wasn't appearing.

The weird thing was that I didn't want to call out to him - "Bring me my coffee". It would be so simple to just ask for it. I knew if I did he would be more than happy to do so. I just hated the feeling of not being able to do it myself. One morning I actually decided that I would get up and stay upright long enough to make myself a cup. Well......if you have ever had sciatica you know that you've got about 3 minutes standing before the pain runs down your leg and it's excrutiating. So....I lasted about 3 minutes, not quite enough time to get it made. Fortunately for me, my husband realized that I really needed a coffee first thing and he began bringing my coffee to me, unbidden. What a lovely treat.

The whole experience made me think alot about what it must be like to grow old and more vulnerable, in need of the help of others. And how much I dreaded the thought. Most people really don't like having to admit they need help and don't want to have to ask for it. If you have elderly relatives who are in this situation, don't wait for them to ask; find out how you can be of help before they ask. And if you find yourself in a helpless situation, just hope that you have someone around who gets it. If you don't, then just ask. Sometimes people don't know what we want until we tell them.

Collecting and Decluttering - All at the Same Time

It's a good thing that I'm semi-retired. I need those free afternoons to go to auctions, estate sales and antique shows/shops searching for treasures that are waiting to be rescued by me. From what, I can't really say. I seldom come home empty-handed as I have a wide range of used/old/antique things I like. It could be antique china, or 50s pottery or, just last week, a set of what I think are pale green bakelite handled dessert knives and spoons. I thought the metal part of the cutlery was just silver that had become tarnished. Turns out the metal is gold in colour and I'm not sure what it is. Anyway, at $15 for 8 of each, I thought I was getting a bargain.

The flip side of this searching for treasures is the deep desire to declutter my house. From what I've read about aging and retirement, it does seem to hit people as they age, this need to clear out all the stuff that has accumulated over the years. I have to say that my husband does think I'm nuts since the two activities seem awfully contradictory! The nice thing about being semi-retired is that I find I actually have time for both activities. I take a box of stuff about once a month to a consignment shop and every now and then they give me a cheque which I then use to go and buy more stuff. Better stuff of course.

The activities people choose to pursue in retirement should be activities that give them pleasure. I know that when I jump out of bed early on a rainy Saturday, with ten or twelve garage sales to visit, I'm excited to get on the road. The anticipation is almost too much to bear; and when I get home with my "treasures", I love the show and tell. Recently, I actually invited 2 friends over to share in a rather large box lot of linens I'd bought for $10 at an estate sale; we had such a good time. So....whatever your passion, pursue it. And if some people think it doesn't make any sense, that's their problem!

How Strong is Your Work Ethic?

I've been semi-retired for about 2 years and it has taken me almost that long to stop feeling guilty when I take a day or even an afternoon "off". Most weeks days, I do some work in my office. On slow days, I might be "free" by mid-morning. There are tons of things I like to do with "free" time but it is amazing how guilty I feel, especially if I let this time slip away, without actually accomplishing anything.

I think one of the hardest things for some retirees to adjust to when they first retire is actually allowing themselves to just goof around, take it easy, relax. The Protestant work ethic is alive and well in Canada and for many of us, it doesn't disappear once paid work is left behind. If you are someone who thrives on challenges, accomplishments, contributing, etc., then it may be important in the early stages of retirement to make sure that some time is allocated to productive activity. One of the challenges in fact in retirement is figuring out how you are going to define "productive" activity into the future. For some, continuing to work for some kind of income may be the answer. I feel quite good on a day when I have completed some kind of significant work task; then I feel that I've earned the rest of the day off.

The good news is that even someone who is quite driven can, over time, adjust to the notion that it isn't necessary to be productive all the time. It's taken 2 years but I now find that I can take a week day "off" from my work, and guess what, I feel just fine about it. I've given myself permission to do whatever I want on that day. It's a great place to get to.

Turning 60

I am still in touch with a group of women that I knew in high school. We were all in the same program so had our classes together. Over the years, we have kept in touch and as the day approached when the oldest in our group was going to turn 60 we decided to celebrate these birthdays. This has taken place over the course of the last year and a half. The youngest person in the group turns 60 on December 31 and that will bring our birthday celebrations to an end.

It has been fun to get together, either for a drink, or dinner out, or dinner in, to celebrate these birthdays. Much of the time has been spent reminiscing about those years we spent as teenagers. It's amazing when we compare notes. Some people remember things that you've completely forgotten and sometimes your memories are contradicted by the memories of others. For example, I have always believed that I was sitting in a math class, when they announced that President Kennedy had been shot; this weekend several of our group said Oh no, we were in an exam at the time. I was outnumbered but it means I have to change this long standing image I have since it's just a little off.

For this last celebration, some of us journeyed to Toronto to see Jersey Boys, as well as to celebrate the last birthday. What a great way to end our year and a half of celebration. We could hardly sit still as song after song by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons took us right back to the 60s.

Some of us are retired and some aren't yet. Some of the group still look young for 60 and some look 10 years older. Most of us have put on either a few pounds or alot of pounds. Some are married, some are widowed and some never married. There is no question that reaching the age of 60 is an amazing accomplishment, however I must admit that when I tried to decide what to put on the card of the last person to turn 60 I couldn't bring myself to say what a great time in life being 60 is. Having recently left 60 behind, I have to say it hasn't been all that swell. Health issues in particular have reduced my quality of life at times, like having sciatica for 3 months. However, health challenges aside, it really is comforting to reach this age with friends that you can share both memories and today stories with. It makes it all seem so much more manageable.

Dogs and Retirement

A few years ago I noticed that alot of our friends were acquiring pets, dogs to be exact. In most cases these were people who had kids and the timing seemed to overlap with these kids launching from the nest. I assumed that some strange need to continue to be responsible for the care and feeding of others was at work. At the time, I really couldn't understand why all these people were doing this.

Then I got the bug and I don't even have children. My husband had a very cute daschund-like dog when he was a kid and his father took a video of it when they were at the beach. For some reason, the image of this short legged long bodied dog with the flapping ears captured my attention and I haven't been able to get the image out of my head. Now I seem to have the "get a dog" bug. I'm convinced it must be related to aging and being in the retirement zone. I visit web sites for daschunds, and I've spoken to breeders about the breed, and I've done alot of research. This has been sort of good and bad. On the one hand, it hasn't changed the fact that I want one; however, when I consider the implications, I get positively anxious about all that responsibility at a time in my life when I would like to be free to pick up and take off.

So far, I've avoided actually getting the dog, but I'm convinced that if I ever find myself in the presence of a daschund litter, I won't be able to resist. Research does show that pets can play a very positive role in the life of humans, including those who are aging. So one of these days I may just do it.

Where to Retire?

I've got another suggestion (see post on Prince Edward County) - Perth, Ontario. We drive through Perth on our way to the cottage and I have to say it must be one of the prettiest towns in Ontario. The architecture is amazing and even more so is the fact that the town and the people who live in Perth have managed to preserve and restore so many of those gorgeous old stone buildings. If the Scottish stone masons who built them were alive today, they would be so pleased to see their work so lovingly appreciated.

The visual beauty of these old stone buildings, along with the swiftly flowing Tay River running through the centre of town, and beautiful Stewart Park just a few steps away from the main street, makes Perth a very visually satisfying place. Add to that a regional hospital, all kinds of real estate options, from a cottage on any one of the nearby lakes, to a home in town to a condo on the river to a retirement residence and lots of great festivals. The Stewart Park Folk Festival, which we've attended many times, is delightful. There's a Garlic Festival, and a great country fair in the fall.

Perth is just a short hour's drive to Ottawa so for those who want the benefits of country life, but be close to the services of the city, Perth's a great spot to be. All in all, Perth would be a fine spot to retire to if quality of life is a priority.

Time Together/Time Apart

Should couples spend as much time apart when they retire as they spend apart when they are working? Statistics suggest that the divorce rate around the time of retirement is quite low and studies generally show that most couples survive retirement with their marriages intact.

Hmmmmm. This sounds like good news for couples. However, I believe that retirement causes a certain destablization or disruption to the pattern of relating that couples have worked out over many years of working. And I'm getting a sense from observing the couples I know that this does in fact occur. Many of the couples I know are in longstanding marriages that appear to be pretty solid; however, as these couples retire, there are soft rumblings of discontent. Those little irritations that were managable over the many years of working, become just a little more annoying when you're faced with them every day all day.

You know what they say about retirement - you can do what you want, when you want. But when you've got two people implementing this philosophy at the same time, there just might end up being a little conflict! Say one person wants to live at the cottage and the other loves city life, or one person wants to travel the world and the other loves being at home, the bottom line is that these couples will spend alot of time negotiating, trying to resolve who gets to do what they want, when they want.

There is a great book by Maryanne Vandervelde called Retirement for Two; she's got great ideas about how couples can navigate the transition from working life to retired life. If you are the least bit worried about whether or not your marriage will survive retirement, check it out.

Where oh where to retire?

I just returned from a weekend in Prince Edward County, Ontario. I now understand why many retirees flock to this part of Ontario to live out their retirement years. It's only a couple of hours from Toronto and about three or so from Ottawa and Montreal. Even though the weekend was cold and wet, we had a great time. The countryside is bucolic, with lots of lovely, well maintained farms, super little towns with interesting shops and cafes, and all along the back roads there are art studios, antique shops, artisan cheese factories, and wineries. You would almost think you were in the south of France. And did I mention that you are never far from the water! For anyone who wants to live near or on the water, Prince Edward County provides plenty of coastline. Some of it runs along protected bays and some overlooks Lake Ontario.

One of the highlights of our weekend was the food. Several well known chefs are both visiting and relocating to the County. Whether we were eating in little cafes, like the Regent in Picton, or the Carriage House lunch room in Bloomfield, or at more formal restaurants like the one at the Merrill Inn in Picton, the food was first rate. What also made our meals, and our trip in general, so pleasant, was the friendliness of the service. From the lovely Scottish lady in the antique and gift shop in Bloomfield to Charles who works in the Oeno Gallery, the people we met were informative, helpful and downright nice.

For anyone who places a high value on quality of life, Prince Edward County could be the place to be.

Where oh where are my retirement friends?

When I'm delivering a retirement seminar, I always get people to think about who they will be spending time with in retirement. Many people assume that if they have a great social network while they are working, they'll have a great social network in retirement. Maybe this ain't so. First of all, research shows that you don't always take your work friends with you and with age, you are likely to see your social circle shrink. This is counterbalanced somewhat by having the time in retirement to make new friends, of course.

One thing I've noticed recently, however, that I find disturbing is that the great social network you have built up by the time you retire, may change significantly when you are all retired. One of my close friends is a fanatic traveller. She takes at least one 2-3 week trip every 4-6 weeks. We still haven't been able to arrange a lunch so that we can exchange Christmas gifts!!

Four of the couples we associate with are off somewhere warmer at the moment. One couple is gone for two months to South Carolina, another for 3 weeks to Florida plus a Caribbean cruise, the third for 2 weeks visiting friends who live in Florida all winter and my husband's music buddy (they meet once a week when he is in Town) and his wife are also in Florida for several months this winter. On of the favourite pastimes of retirees is travel and boy I can believe it.

I've also noticed that once your friends begin having grandchildren, all of a sudden you drop down on their priority list. I have friends who retired to the East Coast, thinking that they would have several couple friends they would see regularly. Well, most of these friends are grandparents and guess what, they don't see these friends much at all - they are too busy with their grandchildren.

So....when you are imagining life in retirement and how you've got this great social network that you have built up over the years to count on, don't be so sure.

Time versus Money

At the very heart of retirement planning is the issue of time versus money. I recently had the opportunity to submit a proposal for work on a retirement-related project. Initially it looked as though it would be a pretty lucrative contract. In the end, it became apparent that the money available had shrunk to quite a small amount and at this stage, the project may not happen at all. If it does, it will be a small amount of money. The funny thing is that when I realized that the project, which at one point might have taken a couple of months of work, might not happen, I felt relieved!! What a strange reaction for a retirement consultant to have. However, I'm semi-retired and really enjoy having alot of free time to pursue all my personal interests. Any commitment to work means giving up this time.

I think that how we feel about the value of our time versus the value of having money is at the heart of the decision to continue to work or to retire. For me, with age has come an increasingly high value being placed on time, with money taking more of a back seat. If the original contract had come through, it might have meant being able to buy a new car sooner than planned, or taking a special vacation, or just spending more on whatever. However, my ten year old car runs just fine and gets me where I want to go, I spend quite a bit of time at the cottage in the summer when work is slower, and we take at least 2 vacations a year as it is. I also get to travel on business from time to time and combine these trips with short holidays. If anything, these days I'm trying to figure out how to get rid of stuff, not buy more.

So...what's most important to you: time or money? If you know the answer to this question, it will make it alot easier for you to decide what you want to do with your life.

Classic retirement

Just got back from a business trip to Vancouver; my retired husband joined me since he has brothers who live out there. My husband is a classic retiree, by that I mean that once he retired from his fulltime job, he had no desire to work again. He plays music, takes photos and then plays with them endlessly on photoshop, keeps fit by playing squash several times a week, golfs in the summer, reads extensively about what's going on in the world, and basically just does each day what he wants to do.

He likes life in retirement. In fact, when I say let's take a vacation, he says, "What for?" As far as he is concerned he is on a permanent vacation! While many boomers say when surveyed that they are going to both retire and work (at least part time), I'm sure there will still be many who decide to become full time retirees just like my husband. It certainly seems to be one strategy that can work since he is both healthy and happy.

When Your Circumstances Change

This morning there was an article in the paper about the fact that, for many North Americans, Freedom 55, has disappeared in smoke. I'm not sure that it ever was a reality for most people, although there are several recent studies that suggest many North Americans would like to retire relatively early, that is somewhere around 60. Of course, the article was focused on the recent crisis in financial markets and the economy.

There is no question that having one's nest egg drop by 40% or more, which I believe is roughly how much the markets have gone down, is shocking. For many this will now be a time for reevaluation of retirement plans. Working longer is the most obvious strategy, that is if one still has a job when all is said and done and most writers on the subject seem to assume that this is what people will do. However, I see it as a time for individuals and families to re-evaluate their options. Retirement isn't just about the money; it's about enjoying life and many of the activities retirees consider to be a priority don't necessarily involve money. As we age, time also becomes a more precious commodity.

Now is a time for taking a hard look at retirement options. Perhaps scaling back on one's vision for retirement is a good option as opposed to assuming that the only choice is to continue working fulltime. If ever there was a time when people need to be communicating, spouse to spouse, parents to children, adults to their parents, this is it. By working together to look at creative options, you may find that there is a way to keep your retirement timing in place by changing your vision for retirement. It's just a thought.

I have finally decided to bite the bullet and launch myself into the blogsphere. Not only am I in the pre-retirement zone but I am also a Professional Retirement Planner who focuses on how people can prepare for retirement pyschologically. I love to hear stories about people who really enjoy retirement and I hate to hear stories about people who don't enjoy their retirement.

I hope that by adding my thoughts on retirement, both personal and professional, I can be helpful to people who are heading into retirement or who are already there. I am going to try to provide facts and advice about retirement in my blog but will also share some of my own fears, dreams and expectations about retirement as well.