Accepting Aging Gracefully

We have been leasing a fantastic island cottage for several years now.  It is a wonderful old 1920s cottage, the island is situated on a beautiful lake, and we have spent many peaceful, relaxing and enjoyable weeks during the summer months engaged in island living.  We have friends on the lake and many friends and relatives who spend the summer nearby.  It is a perfect summer lifestyle.

However, one day the owners will decide to sell the island and we agonize over whether we would be able to buy it.  Given that we are in our 60s and are only going to get older, that we invested in a fantastic kitchen extension on our house a few years ago using our Home Owner Line of Credit, and really don't want to tie up our savings (not to mention some of our cash flow) on a second property, it is highly likely that we will decide that it doesn't make sense to buy a cottage property at this point in our lives.

I have to admit that losing access to this cottage will be devastating to me.  I love being on the water, I love the laid back lifestyle, the privacy, and the fact that we connect with so many friends and family in this place.   I'm always trying to concoct schemes that will make buying the island a possibility.   My husband is less disturbed about losing access to the cottage; he takes the more philosophical view that we will find new and interesting things to do during the summer; he has no great interest in ever renting a cottage again.  As a retirement planner, I would probably advise someone else in the same circumstances to do the practical and rational thing, i.e. let it go, but as a person I might say that not all decisions in life should be based solely on rational thinking and that sometimes decisions based on emotional considerations should be pursued.  What do you think?

Will They Remember Me?

Some individuals retire and have high expectation that they will receive all kinds of calls from their colleagues and that the work will just come.  Sadly, many retirees discover that once gone, quickly forgotten.  A close friend recently retired who expected that many former colleagues would be beating down his door.  They aren't.  No one has called asking for this individual to bring their extensive knowledge to bear on the problems of the day. 

If you have a desire to keep one foot in the door and hope to take on some contract, board work, or even work on a volunteer basis, it is important to let the world know BEFORE you retire that part of your retirement plan includes continuing to work.  You cannot expect your colleagues to know that you do not plan to fully retire.  During the last year of work, it would be advisable to set the stage for the next phase of your life by informally conveying what your interest is going to be in continuing to contribute.

Otherwise you may find yourself sitting in a very quiet house, waiting for calls that are not going to come

Volunteering - Not as Easy as You Think

Many retirees want to "give back" and see the volunteer sector as a good place to do that.  For many, the perception may be that if they just show up, the organization of their choice will jump at the chance to have them as a volunteer.  However, the reality of modern day volunteering may present them with quite a shock.  Why so? 

First of all, they may discover that, instead of welcoming them with open arms, there is a selection process in place that involves an application, reference checks, and an interview.  That almost sounds like the workplace they have just left!  In some instances, this process may lead to rejection as a candidate.  I know because that happened to me.  I went through the process for an organization that I thought was a perfect fit for me.  They didn't agree.  I got screened in at the application stage, went to the interview, and then received a rejection letter.  I was devasted because I had never for a moment thought that I wouldn't be given one of the 20 slots (out of 50 people being interviewed).  To make matters worse, I then found myself wondering what it was they didn't like about me. 

Secondly, let's suppose that the person does get through the recruitment process and is assigned a role.  Many organizations do ask for a time commitment, say six months or a year.  I volunteered at our local hospital and, based on a discussion with the Volunteer Coordinator, was given an assignment (one afternoon per week) on the Continuing Care ward.   As a home-based business person, I wanted more social contact and told the Volunteer Coordinator this.  My assignment sounded promising except that the other volunteers that were supposed to work with me, either didn't show up or quit.  I ended up working alone.  Also, for some reason I still don't understand, the hospital staff, including the nurses, were quite unfriendly.  None of them even remembered my name, even though I was on their ward an afternoon a week for a year.  I did enjoy helping patients with lunch and socializing with them but in the end I did my one year stint and then decided that it wasn't for me.  Of course, one of the nice things about being a volunteer is that you can quit if you decide it just isn't working.

So...some advice.  Think carefully about what kind of volunteering you want to do, identify what your expectations are, check out the relevant organizations carefully, and realize, that if they do have a selection process in place, you just might be screened out.  In the end, one of the luxuries retirees have is time and if this time can be dedicated to the volunteer sector, it can be a win win situation so go for it with your eyes wide open.

Researching Family History

My husband's father spent a number of years in retirement researching his family's history.  He left behind when he passed away, a large database of information.  When my husband retired, he picked up the torch and has done more research using several internet-based genealogical sites to assist in the process.  On our recent trip to Ireland, we visited the small town where both his father's parents came from, Lorrah.  It's fine to have a detailed database of dates of birth and death and marriage, but it made this history seem so much more real to walk on the main street, visit the postmistress for a short discussion on whether there were any Conroys left, and to see the four historic religious buildings in town (in varying states of decline), one of which dates to 540 AD!

Through his research, my husband has discovered a number of cousins, one in California, one in Tennessee and one in Northern Scotland, that he now keeps in touch with.  No wonder so many people as they move into later life and retirement, place a priority on doing this kind of research.  It involves challenges, mysteries, great finds, and maybe even new friendships.  Best of all, once documented, the output can be shared with anyone who has an interest in the family and provides the next generation with a sense of where they have come from.

Maintaining Friendships

Further to an earlier post, I wanted to report on our recent trip to Ireland.  We attended the wedding of a good friend's daughter in Clifden, Ireland.  We made the decision to do so based on the long standing friendship between my husband and his friend, Hugh.  They attended the University of BC together and have remained good friends every since.  We had a wonderful time in Ireland, spending most of the week in the Clifden area.  Ballynahinch Castle Hotel was amazing (see photo), and it was wonderful to have a chance to meet so many of the attendees at the wedding over the weekend at the hotel.  We also were able to spend high quality time with our friends.

The night before returning from Ireland, we stayed at an airport hotel.  In the dining room, who did we run into but the newly married couple!  It was a good chance to talk with the newlyweds post the event.  Hugh's daughter made a point of letting us know how happy her father was that we had come and that it meant alot to him that we had attended the wedding.

Research confirms that having strong social networks among family and friends is correlated with being happy in retirement.  This means being prepared to give people a priority.   In attending Hugh's daughter's wedding, we were putting this principle into practice. 

A Max Report

Max, our 14 month old miniature daschund, has now moved into his teenage years.  Despite our many efforts, he still believes that he is in charge.  For an 11 pound pet, he certainly has a very big ego.  Despite this, he has some wonderful traits.   His level of enthusiasm for play and walks (preferably offleash) is contagious.  His several walks a day are keeping us (most particularly me) more fit.  We also enjoy going for a "pack" walk that involves all three of us.  It is one more thing that my husband and I now have in common and we enjoy these walks immensely.  When one of us is out,  he keeps the other company.

  

His ability to simply go to sleep when we both go out, sometimes for 4 or 5 hours at a time, is amazing.  We simply tell him that he has to "stay" and he does just that.  He finds a nice warm confortable spot, usually on the $400 faux fur throw that is draped on the living room couch.  As far as we can tell, he doesn't eat, chew, explore, or have accidents while we are gone.  His happiness when we return is a joy to watch.  He basically wags his whole body. 

During the early months, when he was a tiny, seemingly helpless puppy, I wasn't convinced that getting a dog was a good idea.  Now my husband and I agree that it has been a great success and we look forward to many happy joyful years with Max, Maxi, the Maxer, Maximillion, Macaroni, etc. etc.

The Next Generation Marries

In the past year we have had invitations to a number of weddings.  The children of our boomer friends are now entering the marriage zone.  These invitations are for not just out of town weddings, but out of country weddings.  Last year we reluctantly declined two of these invitations, one to Australia and one to the South of France.  In the case of the latter, our Irish friends' daughter wanted to get married in St. Remy de Provence where our friends have a holiday home.  We had just been to Malawi, a major one month trip, and just couldn't contemplate a trip to Australia or even to the the wedding in France. 

Well, the second daughter of our Irish friends is getting married shortly in Ireland and we have decided that we will attend this one.  As you head into your 60s you realize that you don't have forever.  Life seems awfully short and friends become increasingly important.  My husband has known his friend from Ireland for about 45 years!  We have visited he and his wife in Ireland and they have visisted us here in Canada.  We value this friendship and that's why we are going to this next wedding.   Part of the wedding festivities involve staying at Ballynahinch Castle for 2 nights!  Should be some wedding!  I'll post photos when we get back.

Like What He Likes?

Today I'm going with my husband to play duplicate bridge.  Now, I've played rubber bridge for a long time.  Several of our couple friends play and it is a pleasant way to spend an evening.  My husband has been trying to convince me to start playing duplicate bridge.  He's been playing for several years.  He has other partners but he would like me to be available when the others aren't.

I've been resisting.  The idea of playing with complete strangers, some of whom are determined to win more Masters points just doesn't sound like fun to me.  Also, it means having to learn and remember a whole lot of conventions.  Again, that doesn't appeal either.

Well, today I'm going with him.  I figure that as we age, it will be good if there are activities we enjoy together.  He notes that there are alot of older people who play at his club; it provides them with both mental stimulation, as well as social contact.  I'm a little nervous, but in the end I will probably enjoy myself and I know it will please him no end.  Now all I have to do is figure out what the quid pro quo is going to be!

The Bucket List

I was talking today with an old friend.  We were discussing Ireland; we both have ancestors who lived in Ireland way back.  She was telling me about her personal "bucket list".  One item on her list is to visit Ireland.  I realized that this topic fits in with my last post (which was awfully long ago); it was about figuring out how to have enough money to live on in later life while also using some of those savings to enjoy life.

I do have some things I want to do before I die but they've just been floating around in my brain.  I think I'll take it to the next step and actually create a word file with the list identified.  By doing that I figure that it will help me to priorize them, to cost them, and to then negotiate with my husband!

There comes a point in life where saving for the future isn't as important as it used to be and where using time wisely increases in importance.   In retirement, we gain the freedom to pursue our dreams so get on with it!  I'm going to.