Maintaining Friendships

Further to an earlier post, I wanted to report on our recent trip to Ireland.  We attended the wedding of a good friend's daughter in Clifden, Ireland.  We made the decision to do so based on the long standing friendship between my husband and his friend, Hugh.  They attended the University of BC together and have remained good friends every since.  We had a wonderful time in Ireland, spending most of the week in the Clifden area.  Ballynahinch Castle Hotel was amazing (see photo), and it was wonderful to have a chance to meet so many of the attendees at the wedding over the weekend at the hotel.  We also were able to spend high quality time with our friends.

The night before returning from Ireland, we stayed at an airport hotel.  In the dining room, who did we run into but the newly married couple!  It was a good chance to talk with the newlyweds post the event.  Hugh's daughter made a point of letting us know how happy her father was that we had come and that it meant alot to him that we had attended the wedding.

Research confirms that having strong social networks among family and friends is correlated with being happy in retirement.  This means being prepared to give people a priority.   In attending Hugh's daughter's wedding, we were putting this principle into practice. 

The Next Generation Marries

In the past year we have had invitations to a number of weddings.  The children of our boomer friends are now entering the marriage zone.  These invitations are for not just out of town weddings, but out of country weddings.  Last year we reluctantly declined two of these invitations, one to Australia and one to the South of France.  In the case of the latter, our Irish friends' daughter wanted to get married in St. Remy de Provence where our friends have a holiday home.  We had just been to Malawi, a major one month trip, and just couldn't contemplate a trip to Australia or even to the the wedding in France. 

Well, the second daughter of our Irish friends is getting married shortly in Ireland and we have decided that we will attend this one.  As you head into your 60s you realize that you don't have forever.  Life seems awfully short and friends become increasingly important.  My husband has known his friend from Ireland for about 45 years!  We have visited he and his wife in Ireland and they have visisted us here in Canada.  We value this friendship and that's why we are going to this next wedding.   Part of the wedding festivities involve staying at Ballynahinch Castle for 2 nights!  Should be some wedding!  I'll post photos when we get back.

Friends from the Past

Last night I had dinner with 6 friends, all of whom I went to high school with.  This is just a subset of a group of "girls" that were all in the same high school program.  Many still live close by, but we also have a number we have tracked down who live far away.  Through the wonderful efforts of a couple of girls in the group, we have managed to stay in touch over all these years (the email system sure has helped!) - and it's been a lot of years, given that we graduated from Grade 13 in 1967!  As we all approached our 60th birthdays, we decided to meet to celebrate them.  Over a period of about a year and a half we had several memorable get togethers.

Some people find that once they retire, their social network shrinks.  Sometimes people do remain in contact with their work friends, but there is research that suggests that many of us lose touch over time with these individuals.  Social isolation can be one of the challenges that some retirees face.  As we retire and as we age, it is important to maintain and to strengthen our social network.  One way to do this is to reconnect with friends from the past, even people as far back as high school.

Where oh where are my retirement friends?

When I'm delivering a retirement seminar, I always get people to think about who they will be spending time with in retirement. Many people assume that if they have a great social network while they are working, they'll have a great social network in retirement. Maybe this ain't so. First of all, research shows that you don't always take your work friends with you and with age, you are likely to see your social circle shrink. This is counterbalanced somewhat by having the time in retirement to make new friends, of course.

One thing I've noticed recently, however, that I find disturbing is that the great social network you have built up by the time you retire, may change significantly when you are all retired. One of my close friends is a fanatic traveller. She takes at least one 2-3 week trip every 4-6 weeks. We still haven't been able to arrange a lunch so that we can exchange Christmas gifts!!

Four of the couples we associate with are off somewhere warmer at the moment. One couple is gone for two months to South Carolina, another for 3 weeks to Florida plus a Caribbean cruise, the third for 2 weeks visiting friends who live in Florida all winter and my husband's music buddy (they meet once a week when he is in Town) and his wife are also in Florida for several months this winter. On of the favourite pastimes of retirees is travel and boy I can believe it.

I've also noticed that once your friends begin having grandchildren, all of a sudden you drop down on their priority list. I have friends who retired to the East Coast, thinking that they would have several couple friends they would see regularly. Well, most of these friends are grandparents and guess what, they don't see these friends much at all - they are too busy with their grandchildren.

So....when you are imagining life in retirement and how you've got this great social network that you have built up over the years to count on, don't be so sure.