Helplessness is NOT Fun

This summer I made the mistake of carrying a pair of stone urns that I had purchased at a garage sale to my car. What a bargain at $5 for the pair, I thought at the time. Of course by that evening, I realized that I had really hurt my back and within a few days I was barely able to walk. Fortunately we were spending alot of time at our cottage but it meant that I had to spend most days flat on my back, and basically at my husband's mercy. The first week or so, after he got up, I would lie there waiting for my coffee to arrive. It didn't. Normally we get our own breakfast but now I was stuck in bed and I needed it but it just wasn't appearing.

The weird thing was that I didn't want to call out to him - "Bring me my coffee". It would be so simple to just ask for it. I knew if I did he would be more than happy to do so. I just hated the feeling of not being able to do it myself. One morning I actually decided that I would get up and stay upright long enough to make myself a cup. Well......if you have ever had sciatica you know that you've got about 3 minutes standing before the pain runs down your leg and it's excrutiating. So....I lasted about 3 minutes, not quite enough time to get it made. Fortunately for me, my husband realized that I really needed a coffee first thing and he began bringing my coffee to me, unbidden. What a lovely treat.

The whole experience made me think alot about what it must be like to grow old and more vulnerable, in need of the help of others. And how much I dreaded the thought. Most people really don't like having to admit they need help and don't want to have to ask for it. If you have elderly relatives who are in this situation, don't wait for them to ask; find out how you can be of help before they ask. And if you find yourself in a helpless situation, just hope that you have someone around who gets it. If you don't, then just ask. Sometimes people don't know what we want until we tell them.

Collecting and Decluttering - All at the Same Time

It's a good thing that I'm semi-retired. I need those free afternoons to go to auctions, estate sales and antique shows/shops searching for treasures that are waiting to be rescued by me. From what, I can't really say. I seldom come home empty-handed as I have a wide range of used/old/antique things I like. It could be antique china, or 50s pottery or, just last week, a set of what I think are pale green bakelite handled dessert knives and spoons. I thought the metal part of the cutlery was just silver that had become tarnished. Turns out the metal is gold in colour and I'm not sure what it is. Anyway, at $15 for 8 of each, I thought I was getting a bargain.

The flip side of this searching for treasures is the deep desire to declutter my house. From what I've read about aging and retirement, it does seem to hit people as they age, this need to clear out all the stuff that has accumulated over the years. I have to say that my husband does think I'm nuts since the two activities seem awfully contradictory! The nice thing about being semi-retired is that I find I actually have time for both activities. I take a box of stuff about once a month to a consignment shop and every now and then they give me a cheque which I then use to go and buy more stuff. Better stuff of course.

The activities people choose to pursue in retirement should be activities that give them pleasure. I know that when I jump out of bed early on a rainy Saturday, with ten or twelve garage sales to visit, I'm excited to get on the road. The anticipation is almost too much to bear; and when I get home with my "treasures", I love the show and tell. Recently, I actually invited 2 friends over to share in a rather large box lot of linens I'd bought for $10 at an estate sale; we had such a good time. So....whatever your passion, pursue it. And if some people think it doesn't make any sense, that's their problem!

How Strong is Your Work Ethic?

I've been semi-retired for about 2 years and it has taken me almost that long to stop feeling guilty when I take a day or even an afternoon "off". Most weeks days, I do some work in my office. On slow days, I might be "free" by mid-morning. There are tons of things I like to do with "free" time but it is amazing how guilty I feel, especially if I let this time slip away, without actually accomplishing anything.

I think one of the hardest things for some retirees to adjust to when they first retire is actually allowing themselves to just goof around, take it easy, relax. The Protestant work ethic is alive and well in Canada and for many of us, it doesn't disappear once paid work is left behind. If you are someone who thrives on challenges, accomplishments, contributing, etc., then it may be important in the early stages of retirement to make sure that some time is allocated to productive activity. One of the challenges in fact in retirement is figuring out how you are going to define "productive" activity into the future. For some, continuing to work for some kind of income may be the answer. I feel quite good on a day when I have completed some kind of significant work task; then I feel that I've earned the rest of the day off.

The good news is that even someone who is quite driven can, over time, adjust to the notion that it isn't necessary to be productive all the time. It's taken 2 years but I now find that I can take a week day "off" from my work, and guess what, I feel just fine about it. I've given myself permission to do whatever I want on that day. It's a great place to get to.

Turning 60

I am still in touch with a group of women that I knew in high school. We were all in the same program so had our classes together. Over the years, we have kept in touch and as the day approached when the oldest in our group was going to turn 60 we decided to celebrate these birthdays. This has taken place over the course of the last year and a half. The youngest person in the group turns 60 on December 31 and that will bring our birthday celebrations to an end.

It has been fun to get together, either for a drink, or dinner out, or dinner in, to celebrate these birthdays. Much of the time has been spent reminiscing about those years we spent as teenagers. It's amazing when we compare notes. Some people remember things that you've completely forgotten and sometimes your memories are contradicted by the memories of others. For example, I have always believed that I was sitting in a math class, when they announced that President Kennedy had been shot; this weekend several of our group said Oh no, we were in an exam at the time. I was outnumbered but it means I have to change this long standing image I have since it's just a little off.

For this last celebration, some of us journeyed to Toronto to see Jersey Boys, as well as to celebrate the last birthday. What a great way to end our year and a half of celebration. We could hardly sit still as song after song by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons took us right back to the 60s.

Some of us are retired and some aren't yet. Some of the group still look young for 60 and some look 10 years older. Most of us have put on either a few pounds or alot of pounds. Some are married, some are widowed and some never married. There is no question that reaching the age of 60 is an amazing accomplishment, however I must admit that when I tried to decide what to put on the card of the last person to turn 60 I couldn't bring myself to say what a great time in life being 60 is. Having recently left 60 behind, I have to say it hasn't been all that swell. Health issues in particular have reduced my quality of life at times, like having sciatica for 3 months. However, health challenges aside, it really is comforting to reach this age with friends that you can share both memories and today stories with. It makes it all seem so much more manageable.