Time Together/Time Apart

Should couples spend as much time apart when they retire as they spend apart when they are working? Statistics suggest that the divorce rate around the time of retirement is quite low and studies generally show that most couples survive retirement with their marriages intact.

Hmmmmm. This sounds like good news for couples. However, I believe that retirement causes a certain destablization or disruption to the pattern of relating that couples have worked out over many years of working. And I'm getting a sense from observing the couples I know that this does in fact occur. Many of the couples I know are in longstanding marriages that appear to be pretty solid; however, as these couples retire, there are soft rumblings of discontent. Those little irritations that were managable over the many years of working, become just a little more annoying when you're faced with them every day all day.

You know what they say about retirement - you can do what you want, when you want. But when you've got two people implementing this philosophy at the same time, there just might end up being a little conflict! Say one person wants to live at the cottage and the other loves city life, or one person wants to travel the world and the other loves being at home, the bottom line is that these couples will spend alot of time negotiating, trying to resolve who gets to do what they want, when they want.

There is a great book by Maryanne Vandervelde called Retirement for Two; she's got great ideas about how couples can navigate the transition from working life to retired life. If you are the least bit worried about whether or not your marriage will survive retirement, check it out.