Widowhood

The average age of widowhood in the US is 56.  In Canada it's a little higher.  It is still shocking to consider that women who have a partner may very well spend some or all of their retirement alone.  I have six friends under the age of 60 who have already become widows.  Only 1 has remarried.  When talking with couples about their retirement it is tough to raise this issue but there is such a strong possiblity that it is going to happen that I feel remiss if I don't raise it.

From my perspective both as a professional retirement planner and as part of a couple, I believe that it is important for couples to take this possible reality into consideration as they do their planning.  Part of this planning involves estate planning, i.e. making sure that wills are in order and that all relevant paper work is done and its location known.  One of my friends couldn't find her husband's will when he died and another had a husband who didn't have a will.  This can cause needless stress at a time when the grieving process is in full swing.

It is also important to make sure that there is a support network in place.  It is fine to be fully supported by one's husband but if he dies, do you have strong family ties and/or very good friends who will also be available and willing to help.  If ever there is a time when support can help, it is when you lose a loved one.  Being prepared to ask friends and family for help is a key element in surviving through this difficult time.

Decisions about where to locate in retirement should also take into account this phenomenon.  My husband and I lease a cottage on an island and I am fully aware that if something happened to him, it would be difficult if not impossible for me to continue to go there.  As opposed to just not thinking about it at all, I do consider how I could conceivably continue to lease the cottage (I could only do it if I had people who could be there with me as I know that I wouldn't enjoy being there alone at night) but I also face the possiblity that I would have to give it up.  That would end up being a terrible outcome as it would mean not only losing my spouse but also access to a very special place.

I know that it isn't always easy to plan one's life and it's true that we never really know what is going to happen and when.  However, devoting at least some time to facing such a reality can prepare us to deal with such a difficult transition more easily.