Summer Musings

We spend a good part of our summer at the cottage, with short trips home as required or desired.  This partially explains why there haven't been any new posts for some time.  I suspect that our sojourn at the cottage is somewhat like the experience retirees have who decide to spend time away in the winter; we have several friends who are doing that.  We thoroughly enjoy the relaxed atmosphere, the time for visits with family and friends, the access to all that a lake has to offer during an Ontario summer.

However, for my husband perhaps more than me, being at the cottage has its downsides.  It keeps him from many of the activities he enjoys when we are at home, such as playing squash twice a week with a group of men that he has been playing with for many years, enjoying a golf game with his city friends, being able to go to a movie or watch a sports event on TV (we don't have electricity at the cottage so no TV).  Luckily for us we have a circle of friends on the lake and in the vicinity of the cottage but we still miss our close friends in the city over the summer months.

If you are planning to spend some of the time in retirement away from your home base, be aware that while it will bring many benefits, there will also be downsides.  If you have a partner, it is a good idea to discuss how being away for a few or many months at a time is going to affect your activities and your relationships.  It is also worth exploring how you can have your cake and eat it too, i.e. be away but maintain good contact with those you care about back at home.

Can you overcome aging?

My brother-in-law and his wife visited us at our cottage recently and she and I had a very good "dock" discussion.  She is someone who has always been interested in the spiritual side of life and she told me that she is exploring, through her regular meditation, the aging process, and how she can take charge of her own aging.  She believes that the power of the mind may be such that she can actually fend off some of the symptoms of aging this way.

There is certainly quite a bit of research that indicates that, if we use our mind well we can control, to some extent, our state of health, both mental and physical.  While not really disagreeing with her, I noted that there does come a time when it is healthy to accept a newly developed limitation flowing from the aging process and that fighting against such limitations, just means we are in denial about the aging process.  I am fascinated with where one should draw the line between fighting the aging process and yielding to it.  If one wants to age gracefully I think it's important to accept this fact and to adapt accordingly.  A good example involves knowing when to give up driving.  This is a tough decision to make and those individuals who make the decision themselves demonstrate what I'm talking about.

How hard is it to retire?

When I first began doing my presentation on how to prepare psychologically for retirement, I wanted it to be based on facts.  So....I checked the research carefully and guess what I found?  Most people like retirement, most people aren't traumatized by it, and retirees on average report higher levels of life satisfaction than any other age group in society! 

I have many friends who are retired, are about to retire, or who will in the next few years and I have to say that their experience and attitudes reflect these research results.  This is true even for those who seemed to be reluctant to retire.  It is important, however, to be aware that the people who do experience retirement in a very positive way are most likely to be those who did spend some time preparing for it.  These individuals have hobbies, interests, a vision, in other words, they had a good idea what they wanted to do before they ever retired.   Pick up any book on how to prepare for retirement and most will suggest that you get a life before you leave work behind.  It can make the transition so much easier.  If you do that, you may find, like many of the retirees I know, the time flies by, there never seems to be enough of it and you really can't figure out how you every had time for work at all!

A Book Review: You Could Live a Long Time: Are you Ready?

From time to time, someone asks me, Are you going to write a book about retirement?  My answer is always the same.  I say that if I came up with a unique new twist on the issue, I would.  There are a ton of books out there about retirement and most of them say more or less the same thing.  Someone recently, however, passed on a new book about retirement to me (thanks Judith) and I have to say that finally someone has found a new twist on the issue and I like it.

The author, Lindsay Green, tackles the tough issue of what the later stage of retirement is going to be like.  There is no sugar coating here.  She has two important messages for us.  The first is that we are not going to continue to look good, feel good and be able to avoid at least some of the challenges that age brings.  These challenges include declining health, loss of close family and friends, and an increasing dependence on the help of others.

The second message is that there is hope.  She provides many insights and suggestions, based on her interviews with a number of people who have successfully adapted to later life.  Her message is ultimately a hopeful one.  Her book might very well inspire you to get going on that retirement plan, based on a realistic assessment of what your life in the second stage of retirement is going to look like.  I highly recommend this book.

Back Problems

Last summer/fall I had sciatica; it lasted for about four months.  Thanks to my physiotherapist, it was quite a bit better by Christmas.  I described what it was like in my post called Helplessness.  It was a terrible experience.  Since we returned from our trip to Malawi, my back has been relatively good.  I began working with a trainer upon my return and all was going well until we pushed the exercises a little too far and I had to stop doing them.  My back was acting up.  Now that I have a puppy, I think that all the playing and picking puppy up and bending down to pet him has aggravated my back as well.

It is hard to accept that as we age, even with the best of intentions regarding our health, it is quite a challenge to keep really fit.  Great care must be exercised in carrying out a fitness regime.  Too little and it isn't that helpful; too much and we may injure ourselves.  And then those activities we really want to take on in retirement, like finally getting the dog we always wanted, may bring with it physical challenges that may affect our health negatively as well.

This does not mean that we shouldn't work out or shouldn't get involved in exciting new activities, like getting a puppy, but it does mean that we have to take care to ensure that we take into account our age and our  health in the process.

Top Ten Retiree Activities

I came across the results of a survey recently that suggested that the following represent some of the most popular retirement activities:

• Travelling:  This is high on the list of many retirees
• Family Activities:  In retirement retirees can finally devote more time to their families
• Hobbies:  All those activities like crafts, woodworking, antique hunting, etc. are on the list
• Gardening:  Being out of doors is a priority and gardening meets this objective for many.
• Fishing:  This activity is more popular than golfing and tennis combined.
• Golfing:  Notwithstanding the above comment, many retirees spend a lot of time on the golf course.
• Volunteering:  Retirees want to give back and many do it in the volunteer sector.
• Reading:  Finally, there is time to sit down and read a book all the way through in a few sittings!
• Exercising:  Modern retirees place a high value on keeping fit and in good health.
• Home Improvement:  Now there is time to get at that To Do list.

Sharing a Project

I've been posting about our new pet and you might be wondering what this has to do with retirement.  Here's the way I see it.  Adding a pet to the household is like taking on any new big project that is going to affect everyone in the household.  In my case, this means that our household of 2 people need to be on the same page as much as possible in order for the project to have a successful outcome.  Like any major project, it requires us to cooperate and compromise, as the project moves forward.

It became quite clear early on that we don't necessarily agree on how to train our new puppy.  My husband has high expectations for quick results re house training, for example, and is determined that the new puppy will get it as quickly as possible.  I, on the other hand, seem to be more patient on the issue.  He, the puppy that is, is pretty good at using his papers inside and as long as he is doing that, I'm happy.  Yes, he needs to learn that going outside is desirable but what's the rush.

When couples retire, they generally end up spending more time together and this means many more moments that require good communication and successful negotiations.  Training the new puppy is a big test of these two requirements - so far we're doing pretty well.