Losing Parents

This week two people died, one the parent of an old friend, and one the father-in-law of a close friend. Also, because I'm watching the Olympics, I know that Joannie Rochette's mother died. In the first two instances, the individuals lived into their 80s. In the latter case, it seemed terribly premature. Rochette's mother was only 55. In fact, quite a bit younger than I am. One of the issues I discuss in the seminars I deliver is the harsh fact that as we age, we are going to lose more and more people that we are close to. Not only that, we are going to be called upon more often to provide comfort and support to those around us who are experiencing loss.

When they conduct interviews with those who have lived into their 90s and even beyond 100, these individuals often talk about how they had to learn to deal with loss - of family, friends and friends of friends. They talk about the importance of continuing to have a life, to make new friends, to just keep on going. It sounds like quite a challenge to me. It must take a pretty positive life attitude and a great deal of determination to keep on trucking, despite the loss of loved ones and perhaps health challenges of one's own. Perhaps it just points up the importance of making sure that, as we age and move into retirement, we make the effort to have a life of our own, that, despite the losses, we will still having something to live for. I think this is particularly true for those of us who either have a spouse or who rely heavily on one other person to be there for us. In the first two instances I noted above, the remaining spouses, both living independently in their own homes, will now have to cope with being alone for the first time in more than 60 years. That leads me to the issue of members of our parent's generation who fight the notion of moving into retirement residences as they become more frail, but that's an issue for another post.

Snow versus Sun

I just spoke today with a friend who is spending the winter in Florida. She is someone who had a very high-powered career, raised three children, and is now taking a break from her very hectic and demanding life to relax, play tennis, and enjoy the milder climate Florida offers. I'm sittiing here in my home office looking out at the snow and thinking about what it would be like to spend more time in a warmer place. I know that many Canadian retirees choose to leave the cold and ice and snow behind to spend several months in warmer climes. My husband and I talk about this from time to time but don't seem to have the same drive to leave behind winter in Canada.

For some reason, as I've aged, I actually find that the winter seems shorter and shorter. Of course, this year, we spent a month away in a warmer place, and the winter here is mild, at least so far. The other day my husband asked me if I had started thinking about the cottage and when we would open it up. I have to say that I haven't, not yet at least. But back to warmer climes. I must admit that at times it does seem awfully appealing to imagine getting up in the morning and going for a walk on the beach, arranging to meet friends for a leisurely lunch, playing golf or tennis in the afternoon and then sitting on the deck, with a G & T before lighting up the BBQ in preparation for dinner alfresco. Just thinking about it makes we want to be there in Florida with my friend.

I'd love to know more about how people deal with some of the issues involved in being away all winter. How do people keep in touch with friends, how do they make new friends while in the south, how do they manage to finance two homes, and in the end do they love living this life in two places. Guess I'm just going to have to do a survey of those I know who are choosing this lifestyle and report back.

Feeling Lazy

I'm using the picture that I posted in my last post as a screen saver. I look at it often as I sit here in my office. I think my 3 weeks in Malawi have somehow slowed me down. Ever since we returned to Ottawa, I find that I'm sleepy alot. I'm calling it Malawi Malaise. It was summer when we were there; it was hot, humid and sunny most days. In general, we loved the fact it was like summer in Ottawa. At night, however, we found it hard to sleep under our mosquito nets as it didn't cool off much, there is no air conditioning, often not even a fan, and we were sleeping in strange beds. Maybe I'm just making up for lost sleep.

I was talking with a friend in Toronto by phone recently and explained to her that although I seem to have lots of energy in the morning, by early afternoon I just feel sort of lazy. Not that this phenomenon is all that new. I've always had a low point after lunch where my ability to initiate anything other than perhaps a shopping trip is almost non-existent. She says she feels the same way. We compared notes and agreed that without intense deadlines and pressures to force us to be productive, we lean towards lazy. I reflect on this often as I think about what retirement from work is really like for people and also what it's going to be like for me. Don't get me wrong. I really like having control over my time, with a tendency to work in the morning and goof off in the afternoon. But some days I feel that I just let the time slip through my fingers. What if I wasn't working any more at all. Would I do even less each day?

Compared to the challenges some people face in life, I know that these are pretty nice issues to have to work through. And I think it's good for me as a retirement planner to be facing some of the same challenges some retirees face as they transition from a life of full time work or even part time work into full retirement. I haven't got it all worked out for myself yet, but if I'd only take the advice I give to others, I'm sure I'd find the answer!

Trip of a Lifetime: Malawi

My husband and I have just returned from a trip to Malawi. It's a small country in Central East Africa. He spent 13 years there, from age 4 to 17. His Canadian father was a tobacco specialist, helping farmers improve their tobacco production back in the 1950s and 60s. He had only been back once in 1972 and had been bugging me for years to go back with him. I'd never been to any country in Africa.

I have to admit that I had a number of misgivings about going on such a trip. Fears of falling ill, contracting malaria, getting eaten by crocodiles, being mugged, being depressed by the poverty, just to name a few. However, I finally decided that if we were going to go, we had to do it soon (we are both in our early sixties) or before long it would just be too late to take on such an adventure.

Well, I'm thrilled to say that I didn't fall ill, didn't get malaria, didn't get eaten by crocodiles, didn't get depressed and didn't get mugged. Quite the contrary, we had a wonderful time. The country, especially since it was the rainy season, was just beautiful. It was so green, the scenery was incredibly amazing, and the people of Malawi were not only warm and friendly, but very polite as well. We travelled for 3 weeks all over the country in our rented 4x4 Jiminy. My husband did a great job of driving, managing to avoid hitting anything on the side of the roads, which included young school children, people walking to market, goats, bicylists (with very wide loads), and even hens.

We spent time staying with an old friend of my husband's on his farm, Matambo Estates, 3 days at a wonderful game lodge on the beautiful Shire River, and several days at the lake. Lake Malawi is a huge freshwater lake with gorgeous beaches, very colourful fish making for great snorkelling, and I have to say, the odd crocodile.

There is no question that Malawi has its challenges as a country. It has very few valuable resources, a rapidly growing population, and many hurdles to get over in improving the quality of life for its citizens. We had many interesting conversations with those we met about these issues. Despite these challenges, Malawi is a relatively stable country, living up to its image as the Warm Heart of Africa. I'd highly recommend it as a destination for anyone wanting to experience Africa. And, of course, I have earned huge points from my husband for finally agreeing to accompany him on his trip of a lifetime.

Decluttering and Christmas

I just sent an email to my niece with a few new items to add to my Christmas list. The older I get, the harder I find it is to identify what I need/want. If you are a collector like I am, then over the years you have accummulated way more "stuff" than you could ever use. Whether it is a favourite article of clothing you can't bear to part with, or a cake plate a favourite aunt gave you and you never use but have a sentimental attachment to.....if you are like me, you have probably amassed a ton of stuff.

It is pretty natural to reach a point where you say, Enough is ENOUGH! Over the last few years, I've been identifying what I call perishables as the gifts I want. This could be bubble bath, a gift certificate to the movies or a favourite restaurant, cut flowers, etc. Of course, the other option, which I think is becoming pretty popular these days, is to ask that the gift giver, donate the value of a gift to your favourite charity. Another great idea.

The bottom line is that we tend to be such big consumers of goods that we end up by 60 with far more possessions than we could ever make use of. Reference my earlier post about Decluttering and Collecting, I have been trying to part with things - some go to the local St. Vincent de Paul, some go to a consignment shop and some just go into the garbage. I must admit it does feel good to lighten the load. So....when it comes to Christmas, think perishables and that way, you'll at least enter the new year without a whole hoard of new things to find a home for!

Commitment versus Freedom in Retirement

A friend dropped by for coffee yesterday and we talked about her husband's retirement. He really enjoyed his work and in his first year of retirement he took on a teaching project at a nearby university. She says one of his challenges in retirement is managing his time. He hates routine so just lets the days slip by doing whatever he feels like doing - that, of course, is how some people define retirement! However, as a deadline related to work approaches, he becomes a little stressed as he has to gear up to get the work done on time.

She is a very organized person and says that he really needs to establish a routine so that he doesn't fritter all his time away. We got into a discussion about the need to find some balance between making commitments in retirement and leaving our schedule wide open. Personality is a pretty important element in determining what this balance might look like. On the one hand, she likes her week to be well organized, and she has several fixed time commitments. This means that she uses her "free" time more efficiently since she knows her days are not totally open ended. At the end of the week she can clearly identify what she accomplished. On the other hand, he prefers open ended days and ends up being stressed out about locked in commitments that result in lots of last minute pressure to produce and perform. I suspect that at the end of the week, he is probably pretty comfortable with whatever he has done, regardless of how much or how little.

So what's it going to be for you? I struggle with this issue since I'm anti routine but also like to feel that I am accomplishing something every day. I suspect that for some people, it takes quite a long time to figure out just what the balance should be between making commitments, being organized and focused and yet leaving enough free time to be spontaneous. Bottom line: it really is a very personal issue. What works for one, won't necessarily work for the other. Advice: get a handle on this issue before you retire so that you can go through the transition, having taken into account your own personality traits.

Christmas Giving

It's that time of the year again and I've begun decorating the house for the holidays and shopping for gifts. I'm reminded of the years just after I took early retirement from my high paying job in the government in the mid-90s in order to go back to school. I went from alot of income to no predictable income. I did have a few contracts while I was at school but essentially I had to be very frugal. More about that in future posts.

As the first Christmas approached, I had no idea what I would do about gifts as my budget for gifts had to go from several hundred dollars (or more) to a few hundred dollars. I decided that I would give almost everyone antique Christmas ornaments so I began attending auctions and visiting antique shops looking for pretty antique ornaments at as low a cost as possible. I also searched out the cheapest but nicest boxes and gold ribbon I could find. Along with a bottle of gold paint for the plain brown boxes, I proceeded to decorate the boxes and then wrap up my ornaments, one to a box. I had also bought 2 box lots of cups and saucers at an auction for $60 in total(60 cups and saucers in all, that's $1 each, with at least 10 really nice ones that weren't damaged)and voila! I had several lovely gifts, all in their gold trimmed boxes wrapped up with gold ribbon. I have to say that I really enjoyed both finding the gifts and being creative with the gift boxes/wrapping. And in some ways the very best thing of all was discovering the following year that someone who received one of my gift boxes, actually used the box as a Christmas decoration!!!!

So....the moral of the story is this. Christmas may be about giving but it doesnt' have to involve spending thousands or even hundreds of dollars. It really is the thought that counts; and in the process of being frugal, we may even find pleasure and a sense of accomplishment for meeting the challenge of giving, without going into debt that returns to haunt us in the New Year.