How Strong is Your Work Ethic?

I've been semi-retired for about 2 years and it has taken me almost that long to stop feeling guilty when I take a day or even an afternoon "off". Most weeks days, I do some work in my office. On slow days, I might be "free" by mid-morning. There are tons of things I like to do with "free" time but it is amazing how guilty I feel, especially if I let this time slip away, without actually accomplishing anything.

I think one of the hardest things for some retirees to adjust to when they first retire is actually allowing themselves to just goof around, take it easy, relax. The Protestant work ethic is alive and well in Canada and for many of us, it doesn't disappear once paid work is left behind. If you are someone who thrives on challenges, accomplishments, contributing, etc., then it may be important in the early stages of retirement to make sure that some time is allocated to productive activity. One of the challenges in fact in retirement is figuring out how you are going to define "productive" activity into the future. For some, continuing to work for some kind of income may be the answer. I feel quite good on a day when I have completed some kind of significant work task; then I feel that I've earned the rest of the day off.

The good news is that even someone who is quite driven can, over time, adjust to the notion that it isn't necessary to be productive all the time. It's taken 2 years but I now find that I can take a week day "off" from my work, and guess what, I feel just fine about it. I've given myself permission to do whatever I want on that day. It's a great place to get to.

Turning 60

I am still in touch with a group of women that I knew in high school. We were all in the same program so had our classes together. Over the years, we have kept in touch and as the day approached when the oldest in our group was going to turn 60 we decided to celebrate these birthdays. This has taken place over the course of the last year and a half. The youngest person in the group turns 60 on December 31 and that will bring our birthday celebrations to an end.

It has been fun to get together, either for a drink, or dinner out, or dinner in, to celebrate these birthdays. Much of the time has been spent reminiscing about those years we spent as teenagers. It's amazing when we compare notes. Some people remember things that you've completely forgotten and sometimes your memories are contradicted by the memories of others. For example, I have always believed that I was sitting in a math class, when they announced that President Kennedy had been shot; this weekend several of our group said Oh no, we were in an exam at the time. I was outnumbered but it means I have to change this long standing image I have since it's just a little off.

For this last celebration, some of us journeyed to Toronto to see Jersey Boys, as well as to celebrate the last birthday. What a great way to end our year and a half of celebration. We could hardly sit still as song after song by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons took us right back to the 60s.

Some of us are retired and some aren't yet. Some of the group still look young for 60 and some look 10 years older. Most of us have put on either a few pounds or alot of pounds. Some are married, some are widowed and some never married. There is no question that reaching the age of 60 is an amazing accomplishment, however I must admit that when I tried to decide what to put on the card of the last person to turn 60 I couldn't bring myself to say what a great time in life being 60 is. Having recently left 60 behind, I have to say it hasn't been all that swell. Health issues in particular have reduced my quality of life at times, like having sciatica for 3 months. However, health challenges aside, it really is comforting to reach this age with friends that you can share both memories and today stories with. It makes it all seem so much more manageable.

Dogs and Retirement

A few years ago I noticed that alot of our friends were acquiring pets, dogs to be exact. In most cases these were people who had kids and the timing seemed to overlap with these kids launching from the nest. I assumed that some strange need to continue to be responsible for the care and feeding of others was at work. At the time, I really couldn't understand why all these people were doing this.

Then I got the bug and I don't even have children. My husband had a very cute daschund-like dog when he was a kid and his father took a video of it when they were at the beach. For some reason, the image of this short legged long bodied dog with the flapping ears captured my attention and I haven't been able to get the image out of my head. Now I seem to have the "get a dog" bug. I'm convinced it must be related to aging and being in the retirement zone. I visit web sites for daschunds, and I've spoken to breeders about the breed, and I've done alot of research. This has been sort of good and bad. On the one hand, it hasn't changed the fact that I want one; however, when I consider the implications, I get positively anxious about all that responsibility at a time in my life when I would like to be free to pick up and take off.

So far, I've avoided actually getting the dog, but I'm convinced that if I ever find myself in the presence of a daschund litter, I won't be able to resist. Research does show that pets can play a very positive role in the life of humans, including those who are aging. So one of these days I may just do it.

Where to Retire?

I've got another suggestion (see post on Prince Edward County) - Perth, Ontario. We drive through Perth on our way to the cottage and I have to say it must be one of the prettiest towns in Ontario. The architecture is amazing and even more so is the fact that the town and the people who live in Perth have managed to preserve and restore so many of those gorgeous old stone buildings. If the Scottish stone masons who built them were alive today, they would be so pleased to see their work so lovingly appreciated.

The visual beauty of these old stone buildings, along with the swiftly flowing Tay River running through the centre of town, and beautiful Stewart Park just a few steps away from the main street, makes Perth a very visually satisfying place. Add to that a regional hospital, all kinds of real estate options, from a cottage on any one of the nearby lakes, to a home in town to a condo on the river to a retirement residence and lots of great festivals. The Stewart Park Folk Festival, which we've attended many times, is delightful. There's a Garlic Festival, and a great country fair in the fall.

Perth is just a short hour's drive to Ottawa so for those who want the benefits of country life, but be close to the services of the city, Perth's a great spot to be. All in all, Perth would be a fine spot to retire to if quality of life is a priority.

Time Together/Time Apart

Should couples spend as much time apart when they retire as they spend apart when they are working? Statistics suggest that the divorce rate around the time of retirement is quite low and studies generally show that most couples survive retirement with their marriages intact.

Hmmmmm. This sounds like good news for couples. However, I believe that retirement causes a certain destablization or disruption to the pattern of relating that couples have worked out over many years of working. And I'm getting a sense from observing the couples I know that this does in fact occur. Many of the couples I know are in longstanding marriages that appear to be pretty solid; however, as these couples retire, there are soft rumblings of discontent. Those little irritations that were managable over the many years of working, become just a little more annoying when you're faced with them every day all day.

You know what they say about retirement - you can do what you want, when you want. But when you've got two people implementing this philosophy at the same time, there just might end up being a little conflict! Say one person wants to live at the cottage and the other loves city life, or one person wants to travel the world and the other loves being at home, the bottom line is that these couples will spend alot of time negotiating, trying to resolve who gets to do what they want, when they want.

There is a great book by Maryanne Vandervelde called Retirement for Two; she's got great ideas about how couples can navigate the transition from working life to retired life. If you are the least bit worried about whether or not your marriage will survive retirement, check it out.

Where oh where to retire?

I just returned from a weekend in Prince Edward County, Ontario. I now understand why many retirees flock to this part of Ontario to live out their retirement years. It's only a couple of hours from Toronto and about three or so from Ottawa and Montreal. Even though the weekend was cold and wet, we had a great time. The countryside is bucolic, with lots of lovely, well maintained farms, super little towns with interesting shops and cafes, and all along the back roads there are art studios, antique shops, artisan cheese factories, and wineries. You would almost think you were in the south of France. And did I mention that you are never far from the water! For anyone who wants to live near or on the water, Prince Edward County provides plenty of coastline. Some of it runs along protected bays and some overlooks Lake Ontario.

One of the highlights of our weekend was the food. Several well known chefs are both visiting and relocating to the County. Whether we were eating in little cafes, like the Regent in Picton, or the Carriage House lunch room in Bloomfield, or at more formal restaurants like the one at the Merrill Inn in Picton, the food was first rate. What also made our meals, and our trip in general, so pleasant, was the friendliness of the service. From the lovely Scottish lady in the antique and gift shop in Bloomfield to Charles who works in the Oeno Gallery, the people we met were informative, helpful and downright nice.

For anyone who places a high value on quality of life, Prince Edward County could be the place to be.

Where oh where are my retirement friends?

When I'm delivering a retirement seminar, I always get people to think about who they will be spending time with in retirement. Many people assume that if they have a great social network while they are working, they'll have a great social network in retirement. Maybe this ain't so. First of all, research shows that you don't always take your work friends with you and with age, you are likely to see your social circle shrink. This is counterbalanced somewhat by having the time in retirement to make new friends, of course.

One thing I've noticed recently, however, that I find disturbing is that the great social network you have built up by the time you retire, may change significantly when you are all retired. One of my close friends is a fanatic traveller. She takes at least one 2-3 week trip every 4-6 weeks. We still haven't been able to arrange a lunch so that we can exchange Christmas gifts!!

Four of the couples we associate with are off somewhere warmer at the moment. One couple is gone for two months to South Carolina, another for 3 weeks to Florida plus a Caribbean cruise, the third for 2 weeks visiting friends who live in Florida all winter and my husband's music buddy (they meet once a week when he is in Town) and his wife are also in Florida for several months this winter. On of the favourite pastimes of retirees is travel and boy I can believe it.

I've also noticed that once your friends begin having grandchildren, all of a sudden you drop down on their priority list. I have friends who retired to the East Coast, thinking that they would have several couple friends they would see regularly. Well, most of these friends are grandparents and guess what, they don't see these friends much at all - they are too busy with their grandchildren.

So....when you are imagining life in retirement and how you've got this great social network that you have built up over the years to count on, don't be so sure.